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Once upon a time in the middle of the calm caribbean sea a peaceful mystical Island known to the seasoned seafarers as Koobanis welcomed all weary travelers who stumbled upon her. There a boy was born who would someday  be uprooted from this peaceful tropical paradise and forced to flee to foreign lands. All was tranquil and normal until at the age of five a violent overthrow of the government resulted in the empowerment of a new evil ruler who would for ever change the peaceful sedentary ways of this mystical island. The boy’s parents fearing for their freedom found passage out of the island on a merchant ship and embarked on a quest for a new land where they could thrive and prosper.

The boy watched from the deck of the ship that would take him and his family from his native home, grow smaller and smaller with each wave that was parted by the bow of the slow moving ship. The boy’s life would take many turns and take him many places but never back to Koobanis.

After what seemed an eternity the ship reached a foreign port where a towering woman holding a torch on her right hand and clutching some tablets with her left arm stood guard as the ship slowly passed. The ship remained at port for a couple of days and the boy felt cold, this was a new experience that he had never experienced before. All of the inhabitants of this foreign land wore heavy coats, hats and covered their faces with skarfs to keep warm. After a few days the ship left this foreign port and began its slow cruise to its final destination. After many a hard day on rough stormy seas land was sighted and soon the ship was moored at the port. It was the middle of winter and it was bitterly cold and the family was ill prepared for the weather that greeted them. Soon they obtained indigenous clothing that made the cold somewhat tolerable.

From the port they traveled to a train station were they boarded a train to the capital of this new land. This new land was part of what was known as Europa and was inhabited by people that although they spoke the same language as in Koobanis took great effort to understand them. Soon the young Maximus Pornificus began to acclimate and learn the ways of the Spanos. He went to their schools and soon spoke like them. He particularly enjoyed watching the girls that were in his school and found comfort in their presence. Maximus Pornificus visited many historical sites in Spano and learned to lvoe architecture and museums. His parents had returned to the land of the Torch Lady. They told him that some day they would come back for him. Maximus Pornificus waited and waited until the day arrived when his mother came to take him to the land of plenty – Amerka. This time they boarded a plane and soon made it to this new land.

To Maximus Pornificus’ amazement he could not understand anything that anybody said. Since he looked the same as the Amerkans they all assumed he spoke their language. These strangers uttered strange words at him and he just nodded like he understood them. It was a strange and fast moving world that he had arrived at. The city was full of people walking the streets and you had to move fast or you would be moved along with the tide of fast moving people. Maximus Pornificus discovered that this town was called Nuork. Maximus Pornificus stayed there for about three months before they were once again on the move. They were to travel to their permanent home, Caforna. They boarded a train that traveled across the vast expanse of Amarka and about three days later they arrived at Caforna. As the train arrived at the station Maximus Pornificus could see his father waiting outside on the platform. After many years he had arrived to the promised land.

Maximus Pornificus started school in Caforna, at first it seemed like a surreal world, different language, different customs, food, etc. In no time Maximus Pornificus had assimilated the ways of Caforna and went about pursuing his education. However, he could not help looking at all of the beautiful scantily clad women of Caforna. To watch them made him feel warm all over. Someday he knew that he would discover the magnetic attaction of the opposite sex. As Maximus Pornificus grew into his teen years it was the age of Aquarius throughout the land. Women burned their bras in public as a sign of their sexual liberation. This was good as more and more women stopped wearing bras and you could see nipples protruding from the clothes the women wore or sometimes under the right circumstances you would see even more. It was a good time and sex was everywhere. Little did Maximus Pornificus know how far the sexual liberation movement would go.

One day Maximus Pornificus went to a friend’s house and saw a group of boys looking at a couple of magazines that were creating quite a stir. Maximus Pornificus wanted to look as well, so he did. There in those magazines were women totally naked, one magazine was about spanking and the other was just about good old plain sex. These magazines were like discovering the language of the Rosetta Stone. One thing for sure, Maximus Pornificus knew that this was good. One of the boys said these were his dad’s porn magazines and that he had found them in the garage. Well that fateful day was sort of an epiphany and from then on the quest for porn slowly began.

Maximus Pornificus continued to see porn throughout the land, mostly in magazines, and eventually in film, videotapes, dvds, and then the internet. The internet became the gateway to share with all the lifelong quest for knowledge reference human sexuality and sexual practices of heterosexual and gay alike. So Maximus Pornificus will never cease his eternal quest for new wares to hawk at the world’s marketplace of porn known now as the internet.